it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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