4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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