it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
