life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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