You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
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