shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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