I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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