I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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