based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Little spoons don't ask big questions
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
