You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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