Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
