My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
never play flip cup with pint glasses
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
