the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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