The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
