moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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