I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
