I'm jealous of your bromance
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
