Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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