Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
