There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
