I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
false alarm. still invincible.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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