I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
