Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
