i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
