i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
