i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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