Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
