Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
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but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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