i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
