i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Randomize
