I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
