Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
