Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
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Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
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You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
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