Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
