I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
