I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
