Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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