Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
