Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Randomize
