I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
