she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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