# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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