I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
