is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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