we have pet lesbian snakes
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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