AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
