But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
