so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
