shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
