im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
