How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
