I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
