i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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