I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
