She said her name was "party"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
