end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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