sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
