My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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