did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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