My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
