Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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