What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
