I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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