he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
