Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
