True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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