just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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