Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
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You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
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Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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