Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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