stop calling my apartment porn island.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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