New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
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his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
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i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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