So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
