So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
