Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
