In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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