And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
