I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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