My nipple is on Facebook.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
two words: eviction party
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Randomize