he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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