see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
