after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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