You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
