Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
