these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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