so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
