I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
