I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
