btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
